Here's your Global News Roundup for March 9, 2025, served with a side of caffeine and a dash of Peru

1. Peruvian Women: Protests Turn Political Theater

"South American passion meets gender equality"—thousands of Peruvian women took to the streets of Lima on International Women's Day, turning a solemn rally into a viral meme-worthy spectacle. Dressed in eye-catching slogans like "Dina Boluarte is a woman, but she doesn't represent me," protesters demanded an end to gender violence and blocked San Martin Square with their sheer numbers. When police responded with tear gas, social media users quipped, "Peruvian protests: more dramatic than your Netflix series!" The government scrambled to reassure women, with President Boluarte promising to "strengthen, not weaken" gender policies. But MIMP Minister Fanny Montellanos Carbajal wasn't buying it: "If a policy lacks a gender perspective, it won't pass our scrutiny." Meanwhile, 59,800 students battled it out for 77 medical school spots at San Marcos University—proof that Peruvian ambition knows no bounds.

2. Huawei's African Cyberpunk: Tech Oscars Win Big

At MWC Barcelona, Huawei unveiled its "smart village" prototype in Zambia, complete with solar-powered internet and classrooms equipped with smart screens. Critics dubbed it "Africa's Cyberpunk," but villagers were quick to show off their new skills: "I can water my crops from my phone, while my neighbor in India is still carrying water in buckets!" The project, built in just 30 days, aims to bridge the digital divide. "This isn't just about technology; it's about empowering communities," said Huawei's CEO. Zambia's Minister of Technology gushed, "This aligns perfectly with our 2030 vision—our future leaders deserve to thrive in the Fourth Industrial Revolution."

3. Wang Yi's Martial Arts Diplomacy

Foreign Minister Wang Yi took the人大记者会 stage like a martial arts master, recapping 2024's diplomatic highlights with grace. "China and Africa are not just partners; we're a community with a shared future," he declared, dropping data bombs like 110 million jobs created and 100,000 km of roads built. When pressed on global governance, Wang hinted at a "African imprint" for this year's G20 in South Africa: "The world needs to listen to Africa's rise, not just witness it."

4. Lima's Inferno: Firefighters vs. Bureaucracy

Three days into the historic center blaze, firefighters were still struggling to contain the inferno. Why? A locked warehouse delayed access to crucial heavy machinery. "We fought the fire with the passion of 50 Shades of Grey, but bureaucracy gave us the cold shoulder," lamented one firefighter. Toxic smoke sent 17 people to the hospital, and 20 families lost their homes. Prime Minister Gastón Acurio promised to "rebuild better than before," but locals weren't buying it: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they light your city on fire?"

5. Korean Zinc Dynasty: Dynasty vs. Dragons

In a K-drama-worthy twist, MBK Partners upped their bid for Korea Zinc by 14%, valuing the company at $11.6 billion. The target? A 14.6% stake controlled by the Choi family, who accused the investors of "hostile takeover tactics." "If MBK takes over, our semiconductor supply chain will be in chaos!" warned the company. The Choi family, who founded the zinc giant over 70 years ago, has seen their control slip as younger members push for a greener future. "This isn't just a battle for shares—it's about the soul of Korea Zinc," said a family spokesperson.

Today's Bonus

• Peru's Exam Wars: San Marcos University medical school saw 59,800 applicants vie for 77 spots—apparently, "survival of the fittest" is now a prerequisite for becoming a doctor.

• Israel Update: Prime Minister Netanyahu says it's "time for Gaza's people to leave"—cue the world's smallest violin.